Out but not proud?

I know this blog is primarily about religion, and why I loath it so, but it is also meant to reflect me. I also don't think you could understand my relationship with religion unless you understood more about my relationship with my own brain. I'm sure most of you know to some degree, but, I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. As far as I can work out, most people think this illness is kind of hilarious, because it seems to manifest in such unusual ways. Numerous movies have made it out to be an ammusing thing that eccentric people have. However, it's not really like that. It can actually be extremely debilitating. OCD is essentially a disease of doubt. Once you get an idea in your head, no matter how hard you try to get rid of it, you can't, and you perform actions in order to try and releave the anxiety it causes. However, it doesn't work for very long, and they usually return quite quickly. The best analogy I can think of for those who don't have it is imaging a computer with a virus. The scan detects it, and then proceeds to delete it. However, the scan is faulty, and it keeps reading the viruses as being there, even when it isn't, and tries to delete it again and again and again, continually sending error messages. That's what OCD is like.

People get stuck on all sorts of things, from the mundane to the down right weird. I've read about people obsessed with the likelyhood of dying in earthquakes, or tornados. In my case, my OCD has focused on particularly, cleanliness, religion, sex, habits, and my health. As bizzarre as it sounds, my mind tells me that I'm going to become a terrorist (or even worse, a self-righteous "ex-Atheist" like C.S Lewis), that other people can't touch my stuff (they'll make it dirty - I used to wash my books as a kid), that I'm going to have to sleep with my family members or co-workers (that's a particularly pleasant one), or that I have a host of diseases (my favourite was motor neurone disease - I perfected the art of tickling my own feet in order to test for the correct response that would prove I wasn't going to go the way of Lou Gehrig). What is most annoying however, is, I know all these thoughts are insane. I know none of them are ever going to happen (except the dying one, that WILL happen one day).

Needless to say, I'm not asking for sympathy or anything. I just think that people with OCD tend to stay in the closet as it were, because they're afraid that others will judge them, think they're insane, etc. Well, we're not. We just have bad thoughts. And if the shame goes away, then people will seek treatment, and the estimated 2.5% of the population who have it won't suffer in silence and can get some real help. So much research is being done and has been done in the last couple of years, that the treatment options are really much better today. Who knows, a cure could be round the corner. But, regardless, the more we talk about mental health as an illness just like we do other diseases, the healthier the world will be.

A faith revived (or, alternatively, what I plan to do in my holidays)

Too many times I have walked past town hall and been berated by crazy Christians, Scientologists, or Hare Krishnas. Often, I have an argument with them myself, but I'm just getting tired of doing this. I really feel like I ought to hand them back a pamphlet outlining my beliefs, and why I don't agree with them. But that would be pretty stupid, seeing I don't have any (except, you know, secular humanism). BUT, I have often thought that I would like to hand out my own religious pamphlets. Not for any mainstream religion, but something totally different. So, I've decided to re-launch the Manichaean faith in Australia. This won't be like those Neo-Manichaeans in Oregon, who pick and choose what they like. No, I'm gonna go with the whole demons ejaculating/aborting fetuses (fetii?) to make humans, Jesus splendour, Zurvan, moon boat cosmology thing. And I'm gonna put it all (concisely) in a leaftlet. Anyone interested in helping out (and please please do so, because I have a very boring life and religion is one of the few things that really motivates me), let me know, and we'll start drawing things up, printing etc. Straight after exams.